So the Broncos Aren't in the Super Bowl, Huh?

January 26, 2017

Funny how different things can be just one year later, huh? RiNo has an upscale food market; the guy who used to host The  Apprentice is the most powerful person in the free world; and, unfortunately, Von Miller will be watching the Super Bowl with the rest of us (probably on a bigger TV and with a higher quality chip and dip combo, but still just watching—not playing). Ugh. We know that Super Bowl Sunday isn’t going to feel quite the same as last year, so here are a few tips for handling the emotional comedown of watching a different team take this year’s Super Bowl crown. 

Watch Peyton Manning commercials.

Peyton, oh Peyton…how we miss thee. This time last year, we were about to watch PM lead the mighty steeds to glory. Now, the only chance we’ll get to see him at the Super Bowl is during commercial breaks. Good thing his football talent is apparently transferable to short-form acting, because he’s been in a ton of commercials this past year—and does a pretty good job to boot. So, when the pain of the Broncos’ mediocrity starts getting to you during this year’s game, maybe pull out your phone and watch a highlight reel of Peyton Manning commercials (one of our favorites is the Manning brothers’ SportsCenter one). Of course, you could also watch a Peyton Manning football highlight reel—but that might just make you sad. Or remind you that he played for a different team in his prime.

Squint your eyes for the entire game.

This Super Bowl, you’ll be watching the New England Patriots square off against the Atlanta Falcons. Do you know the last time the Falcons were in the Super Bowl? 1999, the year our Lord and Savior John Elway ended his career with a Super Bowl ring, and one of the most dominant games of his entire time in the NFL. Also, at 38, he became the oldest player ever to win Super Bowl MVP. Sure, the Patriots’ jerseys may be a few shades different, but if you squint long enough, you might just mentally transport yourself back to 1999 and see that very same game play out before your eyes. At any rate, this year you may once again see an NFL veteran defy his old man body to crush the hearts of Atlanta Falcons fans everywhere. (After all, at 39, Tom Brady is hardly a spring chicken, either.)

Surround yourself with people from Ohio.

Yeah, a 9-7 record isn’t great. And it would have been nice to extend the season by at least one more game, even if it didn’t get us all the way to Super Bowl Sunday. But let’s face it: at least you aren’t a Browns fan, right? Had it not been for a lucky last game, the Cleveland Browns would have ended the year as a likely candidate for the worst team in the history of the league. With an NBA Championship and incredibly close loss to the unspeakably good Chicago Cubs in the World Series, it’s almost as if Cleveland used up a lifetime of its sports karma before the Browns even took to the field. So, find your favorite Denver transplant from the “Mistake on the Lake,” prepare yourself for a lot of LeBron James fan-boying, and share a mutual sigh on a lackluster football season. As they say, misery loves company.

How are you planning to take in this year’s Super Bowl?