Beware, dear readers, for the ides of March is upon us. (Well, technically it’s next week, but close enough.) So, just think of us as the famous seer whom ol’ J. Caesar scoffed at the day of his assassination—in other words, a helpful but debatably trustworthy warning of impending doom.
For those who associate the ides of March with George Clooney’s megawatt smile and Ryan Gosling’s brooding looks, we’re here to inform you that the ides of March isn’t just a movie; it’s a hugely significant date in western civilization and culture as a whole. On March 15th, 44 BC, Julius Caesar was murdered—initiating a civil war that would eventually turn Rome from a republic into an empire. Ever since, it’s been a cursed day filled with political upheaval, natural disasters, and show cancellations. What should you beware of this year? Let’s go over a few, dear proverbial Caesars.
A volatile moment in the stock market
There’s been a lot of talk recently about the feds potentially raising the interest rate—and, by seemingly sheer coincidence, it could very well happen on the ides of March. What exactly does this mean? Well, market prediction is complicated stuff, so we’re not going to pretend that we can fully grasp the significance of an interest-rate hike. However, this one in particular is coming kinda out of nowhere, which would only happen if the Federal Reserve is feeling bullish about the market. Does that mean you should buy Snapchat stock, though? Meh, probably not.
Something about the Indian elections
On March 11th, five provinces in India will have the results from assembly elections that could, theoretically, shake up the Indian political landscape. What does this mean? We’re not really sure. According to India.com, which we can only assume is a fairly trustworthy site about Indian things, these elections are largely economic, with the BLJ (Bharatiya Janata Party) focusing on job creation and development. They aren’t addressing the issues of casinos and mining though, two hot topics in Indian politics. Now, what does this mean for you? Probably not a ton—unless you’ve got high stakes the Indian casino and mining scene. In which case, thanks for reading, and how exactly did you find The Dime?
Another international political issue to keep an eye on next week, and something you’re probably slightly more familiar with than the implications of a Bharatiya Janata Party takeover of the Goa state assembly, is Brexit. Yes, our favorite sunburn-sensitive former ruler may finally trigger Article 50, the beginning of the long and arduous process of officially cutting formal ties with the European Union. Again, this probably won’t have too big of an effect on your daily life, but it is a landmark moment in globalization and world history as a whole. Like Rome, Britain may dramatically shift its identity as a nation come March 15th—and you can add Theresa May to your list of stereotypical icebreaker topics to cover when meeting folks from across the pond (along with Manchester United and Black Mirror, of course).
Your dad might share an “Ides of March” moment with you
You know how your dad works—he only needs the slightest moment of cultural association to spiral into a nostalgic wormhole about the time he and Mom first started dating, and you were the not-so-distant justification for needing to get a better paying job, and sell the VW van. If your pops happened to go through a cut-off Harley shirt and mullet phase, he probably associates the ides of March with a ‘70s funk-crossover one-hit wonder—not the end of Caesar’s reign. You may be thinking, “Why is that a problem? ‘Vehicle’ was a catchy tune, and didn’t that dude go on to write ‘Eye of the Tiger?’ That’s not so bad.” True, and you’re right. However, what you may not realize is that while The Ides of March broke up in 1973, they got back together in 1990 to form the ultimate “dad band,” and have been playing together ever since. So much so, in fact, that they released a five disk CD/DVD set—and we guarantee that you don’t have five disks’ worth of time to listen to your dad talk about the good ol’ days.
Literally anything because the world is in the middle of a somewhat unsettling freefall
Let’s be honest: our world is in a pretty bizarre place right now. So, perhaps we should collectively update the famous quote to be “Beware the Ides of March and the other 364 days of the year, too.” (Or, alternatively, “Beware, The Ides of March just dropped a five disk CD/DVD set.”)
Were you familiar with the ides of March before this post? Are you planning to mourn or celebrate the day?