Okay January New Year’s Resolutioners…Settle Down

January 12, 2017

If you’re like us, you’ve probably noticed that those parking spots in front of your gym aren’t as vacant as they were in December, and searching the produce section at your local grocery store is starting to feel a little more like trying to find your seat at Red Rocks than locating fresh kale. Yes, New Year’s resolutions are in full swing, and unfortunately people still think that they might stay committed through the year. Ugh, ambition.

Okay, you caught us. We aren’t actually bitter about people fulfilling New Year’s resolutions (though we can’t deny a little perturbance at parking 15 blocks away for a yoga class). After all, the whole point of these articles is to encourage positive lifestyles for you fine people. However, the reality is that gyms are naturally a little more packed in the early part of the new year, and until that starts petering off a bit, maybe it’s time to try a different, unconventional workout to avoid the long elliptical lines.

Train Like a Kid Again
Before you became an adult and had to start doing adult things (taxes, car payments, gym memberships), you played. A lot of people played sports, and to get good at those sports, you had to dribble around cones, take jumpers with succession, or take swings at the batting cage. Maybe it’s just us, but don’t those activities sound way more fun than blindly staring out the window while you run in place? Plus, you’re going to be using lateral muscles that you probably don’t use much anymore. Cue the aching reminders that you’re getting old.

The Evil Russian Pushup Program
Everyone knows that pushups are one of the best workouts one can do, but this is on a completely different planet. Like all good stories, the origin of the “Evil Russian” workout is murky at best, but people on the Interweb point at a Men’s Health forum from 2006. The good news is that it only lasts two weeks (which might buy you just enough time to filter out some of the February resolution drop-offs). The bad news is that at some point, you’re probably going to be doing 1,000 pushups in a single day. Those who’ve done it, claim that it adds two inches to your chest in those two weeks. If you’ve done it, let us know, and we’ll ask you what it’s like to be the son or daughter of Zeus.

Mental Energy Exertion
In Denver, where we’re all so inundated with outdoor activities and physical fitness, it’s easy to forget that mental exercise is important too. Maybe instead of spending the night at the gym, you grab a friend you’re pretty sure you can probably beat at chess, and visit Board Game Republic. Sure, comparing board games to high intensity workouts isn’t exactly apples to apples, but it’s definitely a fun and constructive way to spend your night. And yes, pun intended.

Dance Dance Revolution
You know one place you won’t run into fitness resolutionites? The arcade. Yet, this is precisely where you can find the ultimate secret weapon for weight loss and cardio fitness: Dance Dance Revolution. This may sound absurd to the nerdphobic, but as Kotaku points out, the game can do a number on your waistline. So, if mastering your footwork to weird Japanese electronic music sounds better than waiting 30 minutes for a treadmill, try visiting Boss Stage in Northglenn, or maybe Dave & Buster’s (though we can’t guarantee you’ll lose any weight there…).